


I'm fine.

by AuthorInDistress



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Based on Angel: Fred's death, Character Death, M/M, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorInDistress/pseuds/AuthorInDistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's fine. Really. </p><p>It's just the flu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm fine.

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt that asked for something based on Winifred Burkle's death in Angel (the series). I adore both BTVS and Angel so I loved to take this up but man, this prompt hits hard.

* * *

 

In the end, it was just because of a fight.

A young warlock, mortal and ambitious, had decided the best way to make a name for himself was to gain the Avengers attention and become their most wanted enemy.

That had obviously led to a fight, with metal magnetizing and joining to become machines capable of knocking even Thor out of the sky. Tensions were high as it was anyway, and the fight didn't help matters.

Tony had revealed, earlier, about his secret relationship with Loki; the _current_ number one enemy, though he hadn't done anything much in the way of being 'evil' in a long while. His guilt over their reactions could probably explain why he had done it.

Why he flown without back-up, after the Warlock and through a portal into another dimension.

Creatures from hell had chased him back and he'd been armor-less and injured. But alive. Days passed and all was fine. Nothing out of place, the Avengers continued their anger and mistrust of him whilst still alternating and treating him as one of the team. Loki remained in the shadows, hiding his times with Tony to make it all easier for them in the future.

Perhaps if they had been more honest, more open, he could have seen him more often. Could have noticed before it had been too late.

Because only five days after the Warlock's appearance, Tony stops speaking midway through a sentence and falls backward in a faint. He wakes in a medical bed, being checked over, and is then let out as being perfectly alright.

As being perfectly _fine_.

 

* * *

 

 

_Day 0 - 15:00._

~

"How long have you been back?"

Tony spins around on his chair, smiling at Loki over his shoulder as he reaches behind him for the tablet Dum-E's handing over to him, "Almost half a day now, where the hell have _you_ been?"

"Out." Sitting on the edge of the table, Loki watches as Tony continues to work; not even bothering to hide his concern, "Are you - ?"

"I'm fine." Tony smiles at him when he notices, "Medics checked me out already. And, also, did Bruce - for some OCD-sort-of reason or whatever. I'm _all_ fine. Trust me."

"Mm." Loki rubs at the side of his forehead, still looking at him like that.

"Really. I am." Making a face, Tony slides closer, "Look. Bruce said that it's just the flu and that after taking the tablets he's given me, I'll be up and ready to use the lab in no time. It's nothing."

Wait. "He has you banned from the lab?" Loki frowns at him, and Tony grimaces, looking up at him as innocently as he can manage.

"Oops?" Sighing, Loki leans back over on the table, folding his arms across his chest and giving him a long look. "What? It's not like the flu is anything _deadly_ , Loki. I'm fine."

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

****

_Day 0 - 16:00._

~

"My brother is not the villain here! We have more to worry on than his mere presence in the tower!"

"Your _brother_ is a murdering psycho! How the hell do we know it wasn't him that got Tony sick in the first place?!"

"I would never - "

"I didn't ask you, fuckhead, I'm talking to Thor."

"Tony wishes for Loki to be here."

"Yeah, well, Tony doesn't make the best decisions does he."

"Right now, I think listening to Tony is best, actually." Clint stops mid-way into what he's about to shout, turning to Bruce as soon as he steps inside, "Giving him some stress on top of this isn't going to help."

Huffing, Clint slumps back onto the sofa, "Says you. You don't want him here as much as anyone does."

"It's not my choice to make. And Thor's right anyway, we have other things to worry about."

Loki, glaring icily at both Clint and Thor, snaps his head toward him at that, frowning, "What do you mean? He said, before, that you told him he was - "

"He isn't fine. I told him that to not let him worry because a worrying Tony is worse than one who thinks he's doing okay."

"How bad is it?"

Loki stays at the back of the room, listening in and pretending that their indifference to how he feels about this doesn't hurt him. Bruce answers Steve with a blunt tone of detachment, looking down as though that helps.

"Whatever it is that portal did to him is eating him from the inside out. Going in, he said he hadn't detected anything and maybe he hadn't, but something happened on the other side that did this to him."

"But he's been fine for days." Clint sits up, his face flushed from the hours he'd spent at the gym just now; firing arrow after arrow at anything and everything in his sight, not to mention the yelling match that he had just had with both Loki and Thor, "Whatever's taking over him, why didn't it do it right after? Why wait?"

"That's the thing, Clint. If it were a person, a _thing_ , then there would be a way to - " He stops, clearing his throat, "It's not something taking over him, it's simpler than that. Or ... more complicated. However you want to look at it. It's a _disease_. An infection. I didn't just lie to Tony, I really did think that it was only the flu at first. But this - it's like nothing I've ever seen before; it's moving fast, brutally fast. Tony's antibodies haven't got a chance, not unless I find out what it is that infected him in the first place."

And then, as one, they all turn to Loki. "Which is, really, where you come in."

"The only reason you are even allowing me here, I suppose?"

Natasha steps forward from the corner she's been stood in this whole time, "Tony may make bad decisions, and bad love-choices, but he wants you here. _That's_ why you're here. But you're also pretty gifted with regards to magic. Your knowledge is one of the only things that we can use you for."

"Do you really think that if I knew a way to stop this, if I knew _anything_ about that portal, that I would simply be _standing_ here and doing nothing while he _dies_?"

"He's not dying." Steve snaps, "Not on my watch. We're not going to just stand here while he's lying in his room, in pain and infected with something we don't understand." Turning to Bruce, he straightens and thinks as carefully as he can afford to in this situation. "We need to know what it's doing to him."

Jerking to attention, Bruce flips through his notes once again, "As far as I can tell, it's killing him from the inside out. The arc-reactor is acting as an almost conductor of the heat Tony's building inside him which is making it worse, and may be why only he got infected when we were all near that portal as well."

"You're saying the reactor drew it in?"

"I don't know. I don't know how or why it's doing this, but I do know what it's doing." Looking up at them all, he blinks several times before speaking, "It's starting with his brain, depleting it bit-by-bit, drawing energy from him as slowly as it can be to make it agonizingly painful. Once it's halfway done with that, it'll move on to other organs, combusting them - slowly, again. Filling them with blood that should be going around his body as normal until they explode inside him."

" _Explode_?"

"It's like it's frying him. Pouring enough of his own fluids into places it shouldn't go until he essentially ends up killing himself. And it's doing it fast. It's already had a day to work since Tony started showing symptoms, and if my calculations are correct in this, it'll only take another one for it to finish what it's doing."

Loki slumps against the wall. "One? One more day."

Steve glances at him once, taking a long breath in, and ignoring how fast his own heart is beating. He clears his throat, putting a hand to his face before coming to his senses. "Natasha." She looks at him, "Get a hold of the X-men. Go there if you need to, just find us someone that has powers we can _use_. Powers that can help Tony. Clint; you go with her, in case they need some convincing." Both their faces harden determinedly as they nod immediately, leaving the room. "Thor. Your mother is a healer, right? Go to Asgard, see what you can do, try to convince her to come here if she can help Tony." Without even nodding, Thor calls Mjolnir to him and is gone in the next second. "Bruce. You carry on with what you're doing, keep looking at Tony's blood and the materials he brought back. Analyze everything. Just - _work this out_."

Once Bruce has gone, Steve turns to Loki, "You and me? We're going to figure out how to open up that portal again."

* * *

 

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 0 - 17:45._

~

They barely make it back alive.

The other side of the portal is overrun by the creatures that Tony had run from before. He had made it back in time then, but they have evidently been expecting another to come through.

They'd been waiting for them.

Other than letting out his anger into killing dozens of them, the trip has only been useless and they are no closer to finding a cure than they had been before.

Loki limps into Tony's room; having shed his armor already and wearing normal, mortal clothes, which unfortunately show his wounds off completely. "Ouch. That looks like it might've been fun." Sitting on the edge of the bed, he leans into Tony's touch as he skims a hand over a healing wound, "Told you those creatures were nasty sons of bitches."

That draws a soft laugh, though nothing is really that funny, "Well. I tend to ignore your advice at the best of times."

Tony grins. Sweat coats his cheeks, and his eyes are dull. "More fool - you, then ... " His laugh turns into a cough and he doubles over on the bed - hand over mouth and his eyes squeezed shut at the pain, "Ah - " Blood splatters from his lips onto his palm and he stares down at it. Loki vanishes it quickly but he's seen. "It's - bad. Isn't it." He looks up, "Loki?"

"You should lie down."

He drops the subject too quickly for Loki to be convinced he's not thinking about it anymore. "What about you? You look done in."

Don't worry about me. I will - " He stands.

Tony grabs at his sleeve; weak and fumbling, "Stay. Please. I - I want you t - " He gags against another coughing fit, moaning and this time the blood doesn't stop coming, " _Oh_ \- " Loki shushes him, holding him close, "Fuck. "

"Don't. It's nothing. Your team is working to help you, I promise. They will. They _will_ help you."

Tony looks at him. "After seeing me and you, will they?"

"They will. I'll ensure it."

"No. They - they don't have to. It's - just the flu - remember." He shakes in Loki's arms, "I'm f - I'm fine."

He shuts his eyes.

"I'm fine."

* * *

 

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 0 - 18:23_

~

"He knows."

Bruce looks up at the sound of Loki entering, but he doesn't otherwise move nor answer him, "He is far from fine, and he knows it. He's smarter than all of us, he knows that this is worse than everyone is saying it is."

With as calm a gesture he can manage, Bruce lowers the scans in his hand and rubs at his chin to distract himself from the urge to punch hard into the table, "Remind me again, why we're letting you stay here?"

His chair's spun around almost immediately and Loki's arms bracket him by gripping it's sides, towering over him with as dark a glare as ever, "Because _he_ wishes it! Do you really think this is the time to be quibbling over such - "

"This is _exactly_ the time to be saying that, actually. _Loki_." The door opens behind them both but neither notice nor care. Loki's face hardens but he doesn't answer that, "Ever since you turned up, Tony's had one foot in the fryer almost every single day _because_ of you, so what even makes you think that I'll - "

"If you even think of blaming all of this on me, I will _rip_ out your - "

"Hey?" Freezing, Bruce stares over Loki's shoulder. "Can I - join this fight?" It's a testament to how weak he sounds, that they both forget completely what it was they were even saying and turn to face him, "Or ... not. I'm guessing."

"You should be in bed, Tony." Bruce murmurs, standing and shouldering past Loki to put the scans away. Tony's eyes follow him and watch as he shuts the drawer quickly.

"Why? Flu that bad nowadays?"

"You fainted in the middle of a meeting. Get some rest, over-working yourself is really not going to help."

"I don't appreciate being lied to Bruce." The color of his hands is almost a grey compared to the rest of him; the veins stand out in stark contrast to his natural skin, "I can feel it, I'm not stupid. This is not the flu. It's not even close."

"Tony - "

"When I went through that - portal," He chokes behind a hand, clearing his throat and taking a breath. Loki steps toward him but he's held back by a shake of the head, "What was on the other side - that. That darkness. ... that's what this is, isn't it. It's - " He swoons backward but Bruce gets there before Loki, taking him by the shoulders and sitting him down, "Oh."

"Whatever it is, Tony, please. Let me take care of it. You just rest."

"Gamma-boy." Tony smiles up at him, his eyes fluttering, "Well. You are the biologist here. Makes sense."

"Yeah. It does." Loki is there as soon as Bruce moves back, helping Tony up, "Now get to bed. And stay there this time."

Tony rolls his eyes but follows Loki out, stumbling a little and laughing at his own wobble; ignoring the panic in Loki's eyes because if he thinks on that for just one minute he'll - "Bruce didn't mean that, by the way. What he was saying to you." He's slurring. "He's just a green, grumpy-guy - sometimes."

"It's not important." JARVIS wordlessly opens every door for them before they ask and Tony slides into his bed slowly, wincing at the pain in his abdomen and thighs, "You are, right now."

Tony hisses at the skin that Loki's arms touch whilst putting the blanket on him and, quickly, Loki mutters a spell that warms him enough to make it comfortable for Tony to touch. He's pale. Paler than he had been this morning. "Relax, big guy." Tony slumps against the pillows, pressing a hand to his head, "I haven't even thrown up yet. I'm fine."

 

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 1 - 01:34.  
_

_~_

" ... Loki? Are you - awake?"

Loki turns slowly, under the covers, to face him. "What is it?"

"Could you - " He bites his lip, worrying at it and curling his legs in tighter, "Could you ask JARVIS to warm it up in here? I'm cold." JARVIS answers anyway, informing them that the heating is on almost at full. It would be dangerous for everyone else, to put it up any more. "I'm _freezing_."

Loki ignores the sting behind his eyes and wraps Tony up in blankets, rubbing at his arms and legs; trying hard to warm him up. He sends magic through his fingers, hating it with all his heart because of how useless it is in actually doing anything _useful_.

For all that power he has, and he cannot cure him.

"Hey. It's okay, you can stop now. I'm fine."

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 1 - 02:02._

_~  
_

"How is he?"

"He's sleeping."

Steve nods, twice, and swallows. "You, um. Heard from your brother, yet?" There's no answer, and that in itself is a blow. "Natasha and Clint aren't back yet either." He exhales loudly, running a hand through his hair and tugging, "God, this is a mess."

"If you insist on speaking like that, then speak elsewhere. I don't want him to hea - "

"You don't order us around, Loki. You're here on the request of someone who's sick, and if - _when_ \- he gets better, you're out of here. Got that?"

"What I _get_ is that none of you can handle the fact that your Man-Of-Iron chooses the company of someone _other_ than any of you so-called-pretentious _heroes_ and that you blame this on me simply to rest easy on the fact that it is due to _your_ lack of understanding that - "

" _Listen_ you murdering - "

" ... Mm." They stop, looking down at him. His eyes are shut but the hand that reaches up is held quickly, clasped in one of Loki's and rubbed to warm it up. It's ice-cold and Tony's voice shakes as he whispers, "Loki?"

"I'm here." Steve is silent beside him, watching. "What is it?"

Tony doesn't seem to be aware that there's another in the room and when he finally opens his eyes, the fear in them is directed only onto Loki, "541." He whispers, desperately, "541 plus 6543. I - I can't - _do_ it. I don't know how, I - I can't remember how to - " His breath hitches in his throat and he chokes, wheezing and pressing a hand to his throat as he tries to take in air again. Loki sits quickly, rubbing at his arms and his back, chewing on the inside of his cheeks to hide his own emotion. The Captain is here, he refuses to show any. "I can't - I - what's _happening_ to me, it's - it's so _cold_. Loki, it's - it's - "

"Shh." Loki rocks him slightly, tucking his head under his chin and holding him tight, "Don't think on it. Relax. Sleep. I'm here."

"I don't think - you've ever been so nice to me bef - ore." He's spasming, shaking, "It must be bad."

"No. Don't think like that." Pressing a kiss to his forehead, Loki holds back to sharp intake of breath he almost lets himself have at the feel of how ice-cold Tony's skin is." Don't." Please. "Sleep. I'm here. I'll not leave you."

"Okay."

Wordlessly, Steve puts a hand on Loki's shoulder to let him know he's leaving, before turning and shutting the door quietly after him. JARVIS keeps the blinds shut, thankfully, and whenever he speaks he lowers the volume of his usual echoing voice.

"Guess - it's not the flu." Loki closes his eyes. "I'm not - I'm not 'fine'. Am I." He whimpers softly, "I'm not - " Loki rocks him when he softly begins to cry, holding him against his chest, "Oh God ... "

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 1 - 11:09_

_~  
_

"He cannot remember things. He's getting confused."

"You know what's getting _me_ confused? Your fucking pacing. Quit it, it's freaking me out."

"You failed in gaining us help, and now you're jesting over - !"

"Woah! Hey. Jesting is what I do in situations like this, I can't help it. You don't think _I'm_ worried? The X-men got nothing to help us. Believe me, we _tried_."

"Tried!" Gripping at his hair, Loki growls under his breath, frustrated and angry, "Why _him_? Why - "

"Haven't got an answer for you, sorry. But pacing isn't going to solve it. You said your magic isn't cutting it, didn't you, but - well, maybe there's something you haven't tried yet?"

"I tried everything."

"How do you know? I mean -"

"I _know_!" Launching his fist in a punch, Loki's entire arm cracks into the wall as he screams out at both of the pain of what's happening and at the scratches that he gave himself just now. He slumps, putting his forehead against the wall, "There is nothing."

Clint stares at him.

"Nothing."

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

****

_Day 1 - 12: 00_

_~  
_

Tony jerks in his sleep. His eyes squeezed shut and the color gone from his face.

His body folds and bucks like a puppet on tangled strings, and he cries out when the pain in him is far too great for him to handle; grabbing at his aching head.

Loki sits there, watching, a hand pressed to his mouth enough to stop any air from reaching his lungs and still; he is conscious enough to _see_ this.

"Oh - God." Tony's voice is barely above a whisper. Whimpering and crying, blood wet and dry in the corner of his mouth, "Please. Make it - make it _stop_."

Loki sits. Watching. He can't move, can't do _anything_ to help. Touching him only gives him more pain.

"... it hurts ..."

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 1 - 14:50._

_~  
_

Frigga kneels by Tony's bedside, her hands skimming over his forehead while he twists and turns under the sodden covers. Loki has long since locked himself in the bathroom, and no one has thought to check on him yet.

Tony hisses when she touches him, whimpers softly under his breath and coughs up more blood which almost suffocates him before she turns him onto his side. Three spells she's tried and nothing has changed anything.

Bruce sits with his head down, his hands at his ears; blocking out the sound of Tony crying at the pain. The pain of every organ in him filling up with his own blood.

"Please ... "

"Hush." Frigga soothes him, stroking his face gently, but all it does is give him more pain. She withdraws, looking up at Thor. He understands the look in her eyes immediately and nods, his own eyes dull with the realization.

 

 

* * *

**_~_ **

_Day 1 - 16:32._

_~  
_

"Will you stay - with me?"

"I'll never - " His voice clogs with tears and he lets him fall. "I will never leave you."

Tony swallows his sobs, "Not ever ... ?"

"Never. Not now."

Tony leans closer, his eyes red, wet. "I'm dying." He chokes. "Aren't I."

"No." It hurts to lie. He can't even manage it. "You're fine."

The barest of smiles. "Fine?"

"Yes. Just fine."

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day 1 - 18:56._

_~  
_

It's all failed.

They have nothing else to try, no one else to go to.

Tony writhes on the bed, his hands fisted above his head on the sheets and pillows, and he murmurs out pleas to a God that isn't listening. "I'm - _sorry_. Please - I don't - understand why, I - _God_ \- it - it _hurts_ \- "

Windows shake from the intensity of the gale Thor's grief has conjured. The rain pours and thunder cracks but nothing drowns out the sound of Tony's suffering. Steve can't bear to see it; he left almost two hours ago to beg Fury for knowledge of any other people that could possibly help.

He hasn't returned.

Bruce tries to inject Tony with a sedative, a pain-killer, anything that will help him but the scream Tony had let out at a simple needle-prick had led him to jerk back and stay in the corner; holding back the Hulk with all that he has. The look of something lost on his face is enough to let them all know.

He has nothing else to offer. No science. No methods.

Nothing.

"I was - good. I was. I helped people." Loki softly strokes Tony's hair back, his eyes lowered and solemn, "I didn't - waste my life. I didn't." It sounded like nonsense but most of what he's said remind Loki of memories of his own and of Tony's; ones that he's told him about. He's confused. His brain depleting as Bruce had said it would. "Loki - "

"I'm here."

He takes the hand that reaches for him, lifts Tony when he asks, and holds him on his lap, the blankets crumpled around them both. "Loki - I can't. I can't - breathe, I can't - " Loki holds him tighter, tucking his head under his chin, and breathing with him; trying to help him in any way he can.

"His throat's closing up." Bruce murmurs from where he's stood and with one last look, Clint whirls on his heels and storms out.

Natasha has already gone.

Loki ignores the urge to shut them up, ignores them all. He focuses only on Tony.

"I haven't - even met your - parents properly - yet. It's not - fair ..." Loki bites his lips together, looking into his eyes and holding him close, "... kiss me?" He complies immediately, kissing him softly, gently.

Tony closes his eyes and holds his face between hands that are now completely grey in color. The bags under his eyes are dark and hollow, and his lips are too cold to be natural.

He barely separates their lips before Tony cries out and drops his head in his arms, leaning against Loki fully now and shivering despite the heat of the room. "Promise - me, something."

"Anything."

"You. You have to - you have to be strong. You can't kill again - you can't go nuts on the world. Not even - if you're angry. Promise me?"

Bruce straightens from where he's stood, a single tear on his cheek that doesn't seem to want to dry out or fall.

"I promise."

Tony smiles at him, his lips blood-red whilst the rest of his face is ashen. The smile slips away when he can't get another breath in however, and he bucks in Loki's arms, choking and gagging at the air. "I - please. I don't - wan' to - " He shudders, his eyes meeting Loki's, "I don't wan' to di - " With one last painful, juddering breath, he stops.

Loki blinks slowly, looking at him. He doesn't move; his eyes are open, his mouth slightly parted. He doesn't move.

"No." He doesn't realize he's spoken until he sees a tear of his splash onto Tony's cheek, "Please, no." He pulls him closer, burying his face in his neck, " _No_ ... no ..."

Bruce doesn't move from where he is and outside the thunder still cracks above them all.

The rain doesn't stop. And Loki sobs.

"No - "

 

* * *

 

 

**_~_ **

_Day: **-232** \- 05:09._

_~  
_

They lie together, in bed. Secretive and content. Loki cradles his face.

"You will be the death of me, Anthony Stark, do you know that?"

Tony grins at him, kissing him softly, "Nah. Probably the opposite."

"Is that supposed to make this better?"

"Relax, big guy." He hums, sliding his ankle over Loki's thigh.

"We'll be fine."

 

* * *

 


End file.
